Why can't we go back to being kids? (Personal Essay)

On my way home, while I was occupied by the thoughts inside my head and the things around me, this little kid surprisingly captured my attention. He's eating his sundae in a way that anyone could not resist but to look. He had this content, bright look while he voraciously swallow every little drop of his sundae. He didn't pay attention to anyone except his happy, little sundae.
I couldn’t help but smile as I watch him. I thought to myself, when was the last time I felt that contented and happy? when was the last time I did something without thinking about the other things that I was supposed to be doing? When was the last time I felt happy and contented over some things happening in the present and not those things from a distant memory? When was the last time I lived my life in the present and not in the past or the future?
As I ponder over this, a heavy rain fell down. I may seem crazy but I thought of not using my umbrella. I don’t know, I just always wanted to walk in the midst of the rain, bare-footed and hands freely wagging while I face the skies. It feels so liberating just thinking about it. I could’ve done that except that I have my things that I needed to keep in mind.
And so, I just pleased myself watching the little kids on the street running to and fro in the middle of the rain. They’re topless and barefooted and they have these huge smiles on their lips. It’s the same look that I got from the boy eating his sundae. It’s the same contented, happy look.
I automatically smile as if some unknown force attached two strings in each corners of my lips and starts lifting them up. I supposed to feel the dampness and coldness of the rain, but instead, a warm feeling embraced my heart. It’s the same feeling you get after a warm shower when you arrived home following a full, tiresome day. It’s relieving and just beautiful.
Watching these kids made me realized that happiness does come in different forms. It usually varies and changes when we start to grow old. It started plain and simple when we’re young until we see incentives other than sundae and a refreshing shower in the midst of the rain.
I wish I could look at happiness just like how the little boy looked at his sundae; how those little kids played in the rain. I wanted to live in the moment, again. I wanted to feel that relieving and just beautiful feeling, again.
I wish I could pace two steps back and be this little girl, again. I wish I could sleep all I want again without feeling damn worthless for being unproductive. I wish I could play again and do things the way I understood them without someone pointing out to me that I didn’t do them right. I wish I could explore and messed up again without someone telling me that I should get myself together.
If it’s too much to ask to be that little girl again, I wish I could just meet her. I want to warn her. I want to tell her to enjoy her childhood or just never grow up and continue to enjoy it forever. I want to tell her growing up into an adult is never fun as she thought it would be. It’s not true that it will solve her problems over TV or candy.
In fact, growing up is actually like being trapped inside a washing machine. You keep on spinning in an unending cycle of problems, heartaches, criticisms, rejections, judgments, and uncertainties. You’re not sure how long the timer was set for each cycles. You just keep on waiting and waiting there until you just start to wish for a power interruption so then finally it would stop. Yep, that’s how it is.
I know my childhood was not perfect either but I can do it better the second time for sure. I promise I’ll do both the things that I did the things that I didn’t do. I promise, I’ll play in the rain, and even my mom wouldn’t stop me this time.