Where are you going? (Personal Essay)

There’s this saying, “those who follow the crowd, usually get lost in it”. I used to tell myself this. So, one day when I turned old enough to lead my own journey, I assured myself to create my own pathway.

I have built this pathway with little stones called dreams. Founded it with tons of inspiration. Shielded it with hard work and perseverance.

I don’t know what happened. Just when I thought that my pathway is ready to be explored on, it collapsed. Just like a once beautiful tower, it slowly turned into ashes and dust.

I was there. I witnessed it collapsed with the shattered pieces of my heart on the side. I kept on asking, what went wrong? I did not follow the crowd, but still, I got lost.

And so, I thought, maybe I’ll just follow the crowd from now on. I stood up in front of ashes and dust and started to look for footprints on the sand. There are millions of them. Some are closely knitted to each other that it almost cover the other footprints.

Overwhelmed, I moved two paces back. I was so busy building my own pathway that I was left behind by the crowd. There’s no way to keep up with them or even outrun them.

I don’t know where to go. I feel lost more than ever. I turned to my shattered pathway and asked myself, “is there really no way of rebuilding it?”. “Am I really doomed to be stuck on this spot called failure?”

“Stuck”, I whispered to myself. Am I really stuck? ‘Cause if I am, there should be chains around my feet. I should be immovable. But I can walk; I can even run.

I was overjoyed. What I did is to walk away from that spot. I walked two miles away until I began to ask myself again, “but where should I go?”. So I traced my steps back. I traced it back to my shattered pathway.

“I should rebuild,” I told myself. I started to pick what is left of my dreams and inspirations and hard work and perseverance. “But where should I start?” I asked as they lay broken on my palm.

I stood there dumbfounded for a few moments until a loud, joyous laugh came out of my throat. “Fool me,” I told myself. I realized, I have started already. Yes, I have started rebuilding the moment I decided to drag my feet off that failure spot.

So, with all the hope and faith I can muster, I rebuild my pathway. Day and night I’m working. I worked amidst the burning sun and chilling rain and shattering wind with very little progress.

Very little progress that I started to doubt. Hope and faith are slowly abandoning me. I became miserable and lonely.

I should not rebuild. I should just find myself a spot on that million footprints. I should just walked away and followed the crowd.

So many shoulds. As many as the efforts I wasted lying helpless on this cold, hard ground. As many as the time wasted pondering on things I can’t undone. I should just probably invest them on my pathway, I realized.

So, I stood up again and breathe. I abandoned my twisted, distorted doubts. With the remaining faith and hope inside me, I started working, again.

I decided, this time, instead of growing frustrated on the very little progress, I will appreciate it. I will appreciate every bit of it and commend myself after. When I did this, I was able to enjoy the whole process.

It did not take long, and alas! My pathway has been reborn. It has been reborn and is a hundred percent stronger than before.

The crowd came back to see it. They want to touch it but they can’t for they are stuck in an endless circle of going to and fro the same journey. I am not; and I’ve never been glad that I decided not follow them; that I decided to create my own pathway and rebuild it; that I decided not to… give up.